La Grenobloise a avoué avoir pris pendant la seconde moitié de sa carrière (près de 20 ans donc) de la Créacat': ce redoutable produit est une molécule de créatine catoïde anabolisant. "Dans le milieu du sport féminin de haut niveau" confie Longo, "on dit souvent: bouffe de la Créacat', et fais péter les oestrogènes !"
Un important réseau de contrebande a ainsi été démantelé. A la surprise générale, le cerveau de l'organisation semble être une superbe créature, la trentaine rayonnante, avec pour couverture officielle un emploi dans un paisible laboratoire universitaire. Une fille bien sous tous rapports* qui, de part la blondeur de sa crinière, n'a jamais éveillé le moindre soupçon... Catherine C. a donc été confondue par les autorités judiciaires.
Ci dessus: Catherine C. en plein travail sur la Créacat' dans les locaux de Lansbentis Pharma
Ecoutons sa déposition, qu'un de nos journalistes héroïques a réussi à se procurer en donnant beaucoup de sa personne...
"Cela fait environ 30 ans que le laboratoire Lansbentis Pharma développe la Créacat. De nombreuses sportives en ont bénéficié, de Jeannie, bien entendu, aux nageuses chinoises en passant par Marita Koch (47'60", putain j'arrive toujours pas à y croire). Aujourd'hui, une nouvelle évolution est en train d'envahir le marché: la Créacat-M (M pour Meuh !). En France, Manuela Montebrun a été beta-testeuse de ce nouveau produit, mais les jeux de données ont été faussés, la lanceuse s'étant parallèlement gavée de Bordinoïde.
Les progrès scientifiques et sportifs doivent bénéficier à Madame Tout le Monde. Par conséquent, pour le commun des mortels, la Créachatte sera bientôt disponible. Il s'agit d'une alternative féminine au Viagra, qui sera bientôt en vente libre en pharmacie ainsi que dans les toilettes des discothèques huppées."
On le constate jour après jour (et ça se discute), le fléau du dopage étend son territoire de façon inquiétante. Pour l'endiguer, deux solutions: se déclarer "choqué et trahi" à la Jean-Marie Leblanc, ou alors sortir les Canadairs à connerie pour saupoudrer le tout de mauvaise foi et de remarques complètement connes. Ce qui, il faut bien l'avouer, revient à peu près au même.
* une enquête de notre équipe de grands reporters est en cours à ce sujet, cf prochains Lansbotoufs
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